When I was 6 years old I found school quite hard going. I had friends but I wanted to be more popular but found it was hard to really fit in. I had a wonderful family but I couldn’t talk to them but there was a man who was a family friend I did confide in and he was a good friend.

I used to enjoy building dens in some woodland at the end of our garden and one day he was helping me and after we settled into our den we were close and started touching. It was too long ago to remember all the details but I remember feeling close to him and excited and we undressed in our den and I remember giving him oral sex. I remember it because I remember when he came it was so much and I didn’t know if I’d done something wrong. We remained close and continued these things which I really enjoyed. That was fun and we were close not just sexually but as friends, he would give me advice and always be a support.

One day I got into trouble because I walked out of our house and walked to his which was quite a way but I knew the way. I remember how shocked he was when I just turned up knocking on his door at that age, I was in a way a little stalker of his because I enjoyed his company so much. He marched me home and told me not to do that again because my family would be so worried.

Over the following year I saw him less and less and eventually stopped seeing him and life moved on. A long time later when I was in my 20s out in a bar I saw him again and I felt real emotion toward him, a warmness. I was with friends so couldn’t say anything but I just wanted to say hi and thanks to him for being there when I needed him.

Much later on, I learned that he’s still doing well, he lives elsewhere now but I like hearing news of him because I want him to be happy. Part of me worries that he might carry some regret and so I’d like the opportunity to see him again to say he has nothing to worry about, he did good all those years ago and I only feel gratitude and warmth toward him today.

– fold