By kairos

There is a large group in the Pro-Paraphilia movement (being the movment to destigmatize sexual attractions outside what is currently considered acceptable) who believe that explaining why they think a pro-contact stance inherently evil to be a redundancy. They think it to be too clear and obvious to warrant the consideration of any viewpoint that may suggest otherwise.

This obviously is fallacious. Its not only on us to justify why we believe the things we do. If these people would explain their reasoning, maybe some would be able to engage with those points and offer our reasons as to why contact stance differs? If there is a conflict between viewpoints, then maybe there are reasons why the other side holds those viewpoints? If you want to deconstruct something, the first thing you need to do is understand it, not solely focus on attacking it while repeating what may be perceived to you as an obvious fact of the universe. 

Here’s a simple way for me to put it. There are several types of sex in the perverted world, but for this explanation I’ll separate them into two main types: Caring Sex: When your partner gives a shit about you and doesn’t do anything they know you can’t handle or don’t want. Uncaring Sex: When your partner is just a piece of shit and doesn’t give a fuck what happens to you so long as they get off.

Unfortunately, most reported instances of youth-adult sexual interactions are largely Uncaring. The adult either sexually assaults the child due to deliberate malice or they just don’t see the child as human/important, and so they don’t care what happens to the child so long as their secret doesn’t get out. This is, obviously, a very bad thing and will lead to trauma in the child. I will not pretend this doesn’t exist; it very much does. The current Epstein shit is an example of how destructive and oppressive people can be when they have power to throw around. But now what if I paint a scenario for you, a certain situation where the adult does actually care and doesn’t want to hurt the child. This may appear to be a problem, the compassionate yet lustful pedophile either doomed to offend or to be chaste forever… but really, it’s not so simple. 

Firstly, it’s important to separate attraction from action. Just because someone has an attraction to children does not mean that person will necessarily molest a child. Attraction is not destiny, it’s just a part of who you are, you still have control over your actions. 

Second, it’s important to remember that kids aren’t as delicate as damp wads of tissue paper. Despite what most people would assume, most minor-attracted people know this. They observe children enough to understand how complex their thinking is and know how to communicate with them. From my experience, MAPs care about children way too much to harm them, but also some may understand that “harm” and “love” are not the same thing and that there are different ways of expressing love. 

Third, children can be horny, they can develop crushes and even want sex if they know it exists (and trust me, they know. It’s the age of the internet). You may say that they don’t understand everything fully, and yes, that is what sex education is for. I’m going to assume we’re all chill with the idea of kids masturbating, because they do, they will find a way to do so regardless of how many parental control apps you install. As a former child, I speak from experience. Thus, it’s clearly likely, just looking at statistics for teen pregnancy even, that kids will find ways to have sex regardless of laws or other guardrails put in place. That horniness must go somewhere. 

Combine these three facts together with the realization that children are treated as property of their parents and not as individual people that can think and feel for themselves, and you begin to see the picture: children seek out relationships with people, sometimes older people, because they don’t have a place to be what they want to be and do what they want to do. They want to be loved, appreciated, seen and heard as equals. They want to be themselves without being judged by others. Suddenly they hear about adults online that could give them a space away from home or school and are actually interested in what they have to say, and we come to an obvious conclusion.

This is not just about attraction, but also about a systemic injustice that is still brushed off as nothing. Is it always the child initiating first? No, of course not. Is every child going to be properly cared for by their adult partner? Also no. But with education and equal rights given to children, abuse will become less and less of common. Uncaring sex will be easy to see and stop, and if resources become available to children to help them get away from abusers (including their own parents, a point that’s vehemently fought against by the abusive parents), they’ll be able to safely choose for themselves what feels right for them. Caring sex between a child and an adult, provided societal change, is possible.

Infact I know that Caring sex in youth-adult relationships does not cause inherent trauma to the youth. Because how can it? What is the mechanism by which trauma is had, if they know what’s happening and have the power to stop the sex at any time? Are orgasms innately harmful to the child brain? Then you should stop them from masturbating, but you can’t. Are adult hands on a child’s body innately damaging? Then we best stop all hugs and kisses between parents and children, but that’s inhumane and damaging in itself.

You see the point here, there’s no one thing that causes trauma outright, there is no ethereal quality to sex, trauma is a reaction of the brain to an event. Trauma doesn’t have to happen; people can have sex without needing to go to therapy over it. You just need to go about it the right way. 

Sure, children cannot legally consent. Legally. I view that as a problem, a problem that keeps children from doing what they actually want to do with their lives, to live and learn. If a child feels as though they were born in the wrong type of body yet cannot get surgery to fix that because their parents don’t believe in giving their child the choice of what to do with their own bodies, I see that as injustice. If a child is abused at home and cannot leave their parents’ custody because the law does not see them as being able to choose what they want, I view that as injustice.

I am not a person with any respect for the law; the justice system has hurt people I know more than it’s helped them. I don’t stand by legality, I stand by a person’s choice to live the life they want to live, that is what is moral to me. Children cannot consent in the same vein that piracy is theft: bullshit. Now, why do I bother to explain my viewpoint? Why try when someone may just discard what I say and continue to uphold their view of reality? Because people won’t understand something unless you explain it to them, and there may be at least one person I can help change the mind of if I speak, but nothing will change if I keep to myself. A lot of conflict on this planet really just boils down to miscommunication and assuming things, and we can reduce that conflict and learn to understand each other more by communicating our full thoughts and feelings to each other. It’s not about any side being Right, but all of us coming together to look at evidence and decide what the truth really is, even if it’s complex.

Contact stances really are a lot more nuanced than a universal “sex with kids is good” and “sex with kids is bad”, there’s a full discussion to be had here about what we see kids as versus what they actually are. They’re not toys to play with but neither are they incapable idiots. They’re small people, and that becomes apparent when you start spending time around them and remember what being a kid was like for you. 

If anything, I think kids should be included in this conversation too, it feels a little disrespectful to be talking about them while they’re in the room as if they can’t understand what we’re saying.

Those who see the current social situation may suggest simply waiting for societal acceptance to improve. That is not the answer. Looking back into history, how does the world change? Through a random savior that pops up and just waves a magic wand when the time is right, and the government and the people just go with it? No, the world changes through the people putting effort into changing the world. You cannot wait for a revolution to happen; you need to BE the change. Guess what’s going to convince people that youth-adult relationships aren’t inherently harmful- the close personal friends they know are those people in those relationships. When the public hears enough people’s testimonies and develops a consciousness for the separation of Love and Law, that is when change happens. This can only be done if we get off our keyboards and start taking risks. Because Love is a risk, it always has been, sometimes we can get hurt, sometimes we hurt others, sometimes we’re not ready, but sometimes we are. The only way to know is to live and learn. To try.